Inner Battle
by itsLisey
Summary: "I mean, I understand fetishes. We all have them. I, for example, enjoy-" Jane leapt up and gave Maura a very quick, very chaste kiss on the lips before she could finish her sentence. She pulled away, her cheeks flushed a very hot, fire red.


"Pass me another," Frost held out his hand and Jane tossed him a cold beer from their pile. He cracked open the top and took a long swig. It had been the week from hell; a long, turbulent cold case had finally come to a close with the help of an anonymous source that waited three years to speak up. The team sat around the squad room, relishing their freedom at last, their eyes staring grimly out the window where a heavy hurricane of snow ravished the Boston streets.

It was New Years Eve. Jane knew that her Ma wouldn't be happy with her that she didn't make the drive home, but it didn't seem practical and if truth be told, Jane was happier lounging in her desk chair with a beer in her hand and the television on low behind her, tuned to the New York City ball drop. Maura was in the chair next to her desk sipping gingerly on her own bottle of water. Even after being friends with Jane for so long and readily admitting that she enjoyed Jane's beer, she wasn't always so quick to indulge. Frankie was looking particularly bored with his feet propped up against the desk, a beer in one hand, and his eyes glued to the television. Frost sat next to him, and Korsak was behind his desk, a rumbling snore coming from the back of his throat.

"We got any food?" groaned Frankie. There was an empty pizza box on Jane's desk from earlier. She shook her head. "I'm starvin'. Ma probably cooked risotto tonight," His stomach gave a lurch and he groaned again. "Hey Korsak," he threw a wad of paper. "You hidin' any goods over there in that desk?" Korsak wiped sleep from his eyes and shook his head.

"If I did, it would be gone by now."

"You know I might have some food down in autopsy." offered Maura.

"Is it in a dead person freezer?" Jane asked knowingly. Maura frowned. "No thanks."

"You know we clean them,"

"Not enough cleaning supplies in the world." Jane drowned the last bit of beer from the bottle and tossed it carelessly into her garbage can, making a mental note to take the bag out later. She looked drowsily at her watch and kicked her feet up on the desk, mimicking her brother. "Half hour before the ball drops,"

Korsak chuckled. "Hey Frost, when do your balls drop?"

"You're hilarious." the fellow detective replied dully. "You know, I could take you."

Letting out a bellowing laugh, Korsak sobered long enough to reply shortly. "Yeah, at what?" Frost didn't miss a beat.

"Bet I could beat you at arm wrestling."

"I've never understood the social significance of being able to beat another person at arm wrestling. It's an arbitrary sport. It depends more so on the angle at which you set your arm, rather than your actual upper body strength, though it does increase your chances of-" Jane put a hand over her best friends mouth and shook her head. The other detectives ignored her.

"You think you can beat me in arm wrestling?" Korsak laughed and scooted his chair over to Frost's desk. He propped his arm up. "Try me."

"Nah, nah, nah." Frankie shook his head. "Can't just be a wrestling match. There has to be a stake. Something to win." He leaned up against the desk and thought for a moment. "Winner does paperwork for a month?"

"I do Korsak's paperwork already half the time."

Korsak shot him a look. "Yeah, and then I redo it all when you've gone and screwed it up."

"Okay girls, retract your claws." sniped Jane. She rolled her eyes and stood up. "If Frost wins, Korsak has to make the lunch run every day for the next two weeks. If Korsak wins, Frost has to take all of Korsak's smelly, sweat clothes to the laundry mat and wash them for two weeks. Deal?" Though Frost winced at the idea of having to put Korsak's clothes into his car, he nodded. Korsak just grinned. Even Jane had to admit she couldn't see Frost winning. Frost was quick and agile, but when it came to something like this – well, Jane was just hoping she wouldn't have to take Frost to the hospital for a broken arm. Jane looked over to Maura who, like in almost every social situation, looked thoroughly interested in the events that would be taking place. Korsak and Frost gripped hands, and when Frankie shouted go, the two began struggling.

Jane watched as Frost gave it his all. Frankie danced around the two shouting words of encouragement that he probably wouldn't remember in the morning, seeing as he had consumed the most beers. Frankie never could hold his alcohol, Jane thought mundanely. Korsak's forehead was dotted with little beads of sweat. The two grunted, but never spoke a word, their eyes never flickering away from the others pair. Jane's stomach clenched as Frost began overpowering Korsak; Frankie began chanting louder and louder, his obscene laughter beginning to grate on Jane's nerves. Suddenly, Korsak broke into a smile just as Frost was getting ready to pin his arm.

"Just kidding," Korsak grumbled. Frost's arm went flying in the other direction and slammed against the desk. The winning man stood up and raised his hands above his head, much to the dismay of everyone in the room, as Korsak was always a very sweaty man, and laughed a bit. He pointed down at Frost with a great triumphal smile. "Maybe next time, kid. And you," he turned to Frankie, who was still laughing. "If you ever want to make detective, don't drink in front of anyone other than us." he took the beer from Frankie's hand. "You'll be a laughing stock." Frankie sobered his laughing and stood up straight. Jane couldn't help but smirk at the panic etched across her baby brothers face. It seemed to sober him up, though. "Hey Janie, want to go a round?" Korsak flexed his arm.

Jane snorted. "Yeah," she drawled. "Just as soon as I'm done shoveling snow off the roof of the Boston PD building. Be right back."

"Aw come on. If not up against me, go against Frankie."

"And hurt his poor drunk soul when I beat his ass?"

"Hey," Frankie shouted. "You think you can beat me?"

"No, I know I can beat you." she replied. 'The only match you've got in this room is Frost or Maura. No offense to either of you,"

"None taken." Maura said kindly.

Frost cocked an eyebrow. "Offense taken a little," Jane ignored him and turned back to Frankie.

"C'mon, Frankie. I beat you all the time when we were kids."

"Then let's go. Right now. Winner has to do whatever the other person wants them to do. No rules, no exceptions. Whatever it is. If you're so certain you're going to beat me, you have absolutely nothing to worry about, right?" Jane barely even hesitated. She kicked Frost's chair and told him to move, taking his place at the nights resident arm wrestling station. Maura came up behind her excitedly and leaned up against Jane's side of the table. It was somewhat encouraging, but Jane knew she didn't need any luck. This was her little brother, little Frankie; this was the kid who cried because Jane popped an eye out from his favorite teddy bear when he was eight. Maybe it was the two beers running through her blood stream, but Jane had never felt so confident in her entire life. Frankie sat across from her, his eyes the same shade of milk chocolate brown, Finally, after what seemed like a long staring match between rivaled siblings, Frankie set his arm down onto the desk, his hand opened and ready to clutch hers.

Jane placed her hand in his. "So I can make you do whatever I want?"

"Whatever you want, Janie."

"This is going to be fun."

"Go!" Korsak shouted. The two struggled. Behind Jane, Maura was shouting words of encouragement much like Frankie had been doing during the match between Korsak and Frost, though this time it was completely sober and Jane knew this was simply her best friends personality.

Maura jumped up in surprise as Jane took the lead, her arm shaking and pushing with all its might. "Oh yes!" shouted Maura. "Yes, Jane! You can do it! Go, go, go!"

"I know you think you're being encouraging right now, Maura, but it's a little annoying." Jane said through gritted teeth. Frankie forced her arm back up and they were again stuck at the top. Instead of speaking now, Maura only made inaudible little squeaks whenever Jane was getting close to dominating Frankie's arm. She was losing track of time. Jane found herself wanting to glance up at the clock, but she knew that if she even took a second to look over, Frankie would find away to push her arm down. The beer confidence was beginning to wear, and as Frankie slammed her hand against the desk Jane was sure that it hadn't been beer she consumed, but some body altering witch potion that dissolved all the muscle in her arm into rubber. Frankie leapt from his chair and let out a triumphant cry, something that to Jane was similar to nails on a chalkboard. Her mouth dropped and she sank back into her chair. She felt Maura's hand slide onto her shoulder and squeeze. "Okay, what do you want me to do? Laundry? Clean your bathroom? Put in a good word? What?"

"Nah," he shook his head. "I just want you to kiss Maura." Jane was sure that her entire stomach had just plummeted down to become more well acquainted with her toe nails. She stared incredulously up at her little brother. She had become a fish; a fish who needed air very badly, a fish caught stuck in the sand. Korsak laughed so hard it tuned into a cough and Frost, who was more afraid of Jane than even Korsak, put a hand over his mouth and tried his best not to smile.

"You're drunk asshole," Jane rolled her eyes, finally finding her voice. "You're insane. You're my _brother,_you pig!"

"C'mon, Janie!"

"Absolutely not. And _you,_" Jane swung in her chair and pointed up accusingly at Maura. "-why aren't you insulted or offended or making some kind of protest?" She didn't give Maura time to respond. Instead she turned back to Frankie and shook her head. "Pick something else. Go watch some porn or something later."

Finally Maura spoke. "I've never understood it." Everyone turned to look at her.

"Never understood what?" Jane asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Why men are so attracted to females who kiss one another. I mean, you would think it would be intimidating that a woman who you found alluring was kissing or having intercourse with someone of the same sex, rather than with the male. Would it not be detrimental to their self esteem?"

Jane's face paled. "Who said anything about intercourse?"

"I mean, I understand fetishes. We all have them. I, for example, enjoy-" Jane leapt up and gave Maura a very quick, very chaste kiss on the lips before she could finish her sentence. She pulled away, her cheeks flushed a very hot, fire red, and stared pointedly at Frankie.

"There," she gripped the sides of her shirt awkwardly, trying her best to seem at ease with the situation. Her eyes kept darting back and forth between Maura, who was still standing very plainly next to Jane, her mind surely running through the entire situation, and Frankie, who was shaking his head very dramatically and waving his hands. "I did it. I kissed her. You won. There."

"That wasn't a kiss."

"What do you mean that wasn't a kiss? Have you never kissed anyone Frankie? That's cute. Wait 'til I tell Ma-"

"-you're getting defense. Why so defense Jane?"

"I'm not getting defense-"

"-you are getting defensive, is it because you and Maur-"

"-you don't know anything Frankie, why don't you go out and play in the snow and-"

"-you just want to be alone with Maura-"

"-why would I want to be alone with Maura you idiot-"

"-because everyone knows you-"

"-oh everyone knows I what?"

There was a thin, veiled silence. The two siblings stood in the middle of the room, their words still floating like chunks of ice in a river around them; cold, solid and invariably dangerous. Korsak shuffled back to behind his desk and pretended to fiddle with the remote, turning the volume of the television up and down and up and down. Frost backed away, albeit slowly, and muttered something about checking his Facebook. It was finally Maura who broke the verbal silence.

"I'm going to go get food from autopsy.."

Something about the way Maura turned and left pained Jane. She watched her friend exit the room with a pensive face, her eyebrows furrowed down and the eyes themselves pointed down towards the ground. Jane ran her hand through her hair and turned back to Frankie once Maura had vanished from her vision. "Now you've done it," Jane growled. "I'm going to have to listen to her scientific rambling the rest of the night."

"Oh, the rest of the night?" Frankie cocked an eyebrow. "So, when you two go home together? Where our mother is? Because she lives in Maura's house?"

"Stop."

"No, really Jane. Look at how we all look at this."

"Look at what?"

"Your friendship with her. Her friendship with you. You two are so painfully in love with each other it's almost pathetic." Jane's mouth dropped. "Don't act surprised. We all know it, and you know it too. Deep down, you know it. Who is the first person you think about protecting out on the job? Sure as hell isn't yourself. It's Maura. She's the first person you see every morning, the _only_person you've ever brought coffee too – hell, before you met Maura, the idea of you squeezing into some dress for damn near anything was about as laughable as Ma not cookin' Sunday dinner. Don't look at me like that, Jane. Just think about it. You practically live at each others houses. Neither of you have held onto a serious relationship since you've met," sighing a little, Frankie sat down in a spare desk chair and looked up at his big sister. "And you know, I don't think Maura was ever attracted to Tommy. Tommy, ah. He was just a Rizzoli. You were the one she wanted. The one she wants now, and the one she's waiting for downstairs. If you can't see that, Jane, then I'm worried about you."

"You've had too much to drink."

"I admit that if I didn't have a little liquid luck running through my veins right now, I probably wouldn't be saying any of this to you." he stood up again and walked to Jane, letting his hand grip her arm firmly. He looked directly into her eyes. "Look me in the eye and tell me you've never once thought about kissing the Doc." Jane swallowed hard. "C'mon, Janie. Tell me." Dry mouthed and anxious, Jane's eyes darted over to where she knew Frost and Korsak were sitting and listening to every word. She pulled away from Frankie and rubbed her temples. The empty bottle of aspirin in her purse was making her headache even worse.

Korsak cleared his throat. "I dunno if you wanna hear this Jane," he said quietly. "But if it helps you any at all, I agree with Frankie. The way you and the Doc look at each other, it's... well, it's really obvious."

Jane turned to Korsak. "And you?" her voice cracked. Frost nodded firmly.

"Go getcha girl," he slyly nudged his partner's arm. Jane twisted her body around, nearly having to force her feet to walk, and she stumbled out the door and down the stairs. The path was so familiar that Jane barely even had to think about it anymore; she ignored the elevator, choosing instead to take the long trip down the flight of stairs in order to give herself a little time to think. What was she supposed to say to Maura? Hey, everyone thinks we should make out, let's go? Jane shook the thought out of her head, a hot blush rising up her neck. When she finally reached autopsy, which seemed so much quicker than normal, Jane found herself wanting very badly to go back upstairs, drink three or for more beers and pass out behind her desk until morning.

It was Maura who stopped her. It wasn't that she said anything. She didn't even know Jane was there. But from the door, Jane watched as Maura sank down into her desk chair with her head resting lightly in her palms. She looked both sad and confused; two things that Jane knew Maura hated most. Jane also knew that it was very rare for Maura to lie, and the very fact that there was not even a crumb of food in front of the young blonde told Jane that Maura had not in fact come down to autopsy to retrieve an old lunch. Hunched over in the doorway, Jane shyly knocked on the wall. Maura sprang up from the desk, surprised.

"I didn't realize you were there." said Maura quickly.

"Yeah, I..." Jane faltered. Maura really was quite beautiful. "I just wanted to talk. You know, about up there. That was weird, yeah?"

She saw Maura swallow and nod. "You must be angry with Frankie."

"Not really."

"No?"

"No." The room became silent. Jane ran her finger against a stack of papers. She winced as a thin line appeared on her finger and a stream of red blood began dripping on Maura's desk. Maura went into action immediately; Jane barely had time to even register the pain before Maura was back from digging through her purse with a fresh band aid and antiseptic. "I'm fine," Jane said hurriedly. Her proximity to Maura was making her nervous; had she really never noticed her attraction to the blonde before, or did she really suppress it that heavily? Maura swiped the cut with a cotton ball and wrapped the bandaid around Jane's finger. "Thanks." A quick waft of Maura's perfume, probably her very expensive perfume, trickled up Jane's nostrils.

"Did any get on the paperwork?" Jane looked down and examined it. She shook her head. "Good. That probably would have gotten me into trouble."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not a problem."

Another silence.

"Maura, is it weird? Us? You know, our relationship?"

"I don't understand."

Jane sighed heavily. "I don't know, Maur. I mean, my Ma lives in your guest house. We practically live together. We're with each other all the time. Is it weird? Is this normal?" Jane hadn't even realized she was pacing. She caught herself and spun back around to look at Maura, whose eyes were directed down towards the ground and her lips pursed. This was her thinking face.

"Well," Maura began. "I don't know if I know what normal is."

"I'm trying to say-" Jane became nervous. "I'm just saying," Again, Jane stopped. "This is hard."

"I won't be offended."

"This." Jane paused. "Us." She pointed her fingers at herself, then Maura, and then back at herself again. "We're really close."

"I would agree with that,"

"And we're together like, all of the time."

"I wouldn't say all of the time. You stay at my house on the weekends and I stay at your house every other weeknight. On the other nights-"

"-we're usually here, at work. Together."

"I, well, yes." Maura frowned. "But Jane, we're best friends. That's okay, isn't it? That we spend time together?"

Jane saw the panic behind Maura's relaxed, but puzzled, expression. "Of course it's okay. I'm just starting to wonder if..." she trailed off. "Frankie wanted us to kiss because he thought that we're attracted to each other. As in, sexually. Attracted. Sexually attracted." Maura didn't say anything. "And apparently so does everyone else." Long pause. "Sexually attracted."

"Yes you've said that."

"Well it's either insane, or..."

"Or what?"

Jane's heart skipped a beat. "True."

"I would like to kiss you." Maura said bluntly. She came forward and placed her hand on Jane's arm. Jane stumbled backwards and put up her hands.

"Whoa, wait, what? Hang on!" The blonde looked offended. "I just... hold on, Maura. Slow down. So you're okay with this? That the whole team thinks we should be dating or be lesbians or be lesbians dating?"

"If the two of us were to date, I'm not sure if lesbians would be the proper term. I for one do enjoy the male physique. However, I've always been partial to the human form. I think bisexual would be the more politically correct term in this situation." Jane continued to stare. "Regardless, I don't really enjoy using such labels. I've always believed that love is innate. It isn't our own gender that choices our mate. We choose our mate through a natural order process deriving from similar goals, wants, needs, and emotions. I don't believe gender has anything to do with that."

"Did you just come out of the closet to me?"

"No, I'm standing in autopsy. There isn't even a closet in here, Jane. What are you talking about?"

"Nevermind." Jane rolled her eyes. "So..."

Maura stepped closer to Jane, but this time not as close. "I still want to kiss you." she smiled a little bit and raised her eyes to Jane's. The doctor was just a few inches shorter than her detective counterpart. Jane tried her best to not look so terrified, but inside she was a mess. She could hardly believe that she was standing in the autopsy room trying to figure out what the best way to kiss her girl best friend was. Something inside of her – a dam she hadn't known she built – was breaking down piece by piece and a flood of emotions were trickling through her. "If that's okay?"

"I..." Jane muttered. "Yes. Yeah," she gulped. "Sure." Like most first kisses, it was clumsy. Maura took a few steps forward and placed one of her pale, silk hands on Jane's hip. The other hand – so soft it felt like velvet on Jane's tanned skin – rubbed against her right cheek. Jane wasn't sure what to do with her hands at all. Anywhere she thought she could place them felt like a violation against her friend, and finally she just let them slide on each side of Maura's waist. Their noses clanked softly, eliciting a small chuckle from each of them; for Jane, it was more of a throaty laugh, while Maura's was more of her very calm, very pleasant giggle. With one last flash into each others eyes, their lips touched very briefly. It was unlike the kiss upstairs. This time, it had meaning. Maura did most of the work, while Jane stood very still, almost like a pole. Her mind was erupting into a million thoughts; how _good_it felt to be kissing Maura, how she suddenly realized this was what she wanted the entire time, how it, though clumsy and terrifying, could possibly be the best kiss of her life... Maura very subtly opened her own mouth, to which Jane meagerly replied, and their tongues touched just briefly before each girl pulled away at the same time breathless. They didn't just pull their lips away. The doctor walked backwards towards an autopsy table while Jane, her mind reeling, stumbling onto the desk. "That was nice." Jane muttered.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah,"

"Are you sure?"

"No,"

"Do you regret it?"

"No." Jane said firmly. And she meant it. She reached out for Maura's hand and gripped it tightly, for once letting her body do the talking for her. Briefly, Jane leaned down and kissed Maura's lips one more time. When she pulled away, Maura was smiling.

"Jane, I have a question."

"Go ahead."

"Is this your way of telling me you're attracted to me?"

* * *

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**Just a drabble. Leave a review and tell me what you think. **


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